Fixed it by getting a refurb. At least Sprint doesn't gouge you too much - even without insurance. $35 and I have what appears to be a new Arrive.
The only issue is that the sprint store people have no clue how to activate an Arrive. They insisted on activating it and had to chat with their support line for 40 minutes. Perhaps I'm missing something, but it took me 5 minutes on my original Arrive to activate via sprint.com.