This is just meant for fun, and not a knock on anyone or anything specifically. (Yeah, right!)
Backstory: I picked up a Lumia 920 on launch day and have trouble putting it down -- partially because it's a wonderful gadget, but mostly because its heft has given me some nice muscle tone while lugging it around. I've spent a lot of time in the forums, getting tips, neck cramps, reading wish lists, complaints and some great stories. But, after a while, it's the complaints that seem to always stick out. After a while, I started to notice a pattern . . .
"I want a smartphone that wipes my mouth and will allow me to change the color of individual tiles so I can make the screen a total headache. And make the alarm loud enough to kill horses two counties over. Jiminy Christmas, would that be so ******* difficult?"
"If this phone doesn't auto-sync by just looking at it and blinking twice, or if the battery doesn't last until I decide it should (February would be nice), then I'm going to take it back and Nokia/Microsoft/AT&T all suck because they don't know what they're doing. I know what I'm doing and they're not doing it right!"
"This WP8 has no apps! None! Zero! And the ones it does have are crap/don't work like iOS/Android/Blackberry/Symbian/Bada/Unix or are too expensive!"
"I had a Blasto 5000, and it worked perfectly, like a charm, all the time, and now I have this new phone with all the latest technology -- some of it, I don't even know what it is -- and the battery only lasts 22.4 hours! I'm going back to my 4 year old Blasto because I can't handle change and my prescription ran out!"
"Why can't I get it in Mauve? That's the color of the tiles I like, and I want my phone to match!"
"This has twice the storage, and is half the price of the iPhone, but it's going on sale for $50 and that hateful, awful AT&T won't give me a freakin' credit! I deserve that credit because I'm a loyal early adapter and I should NOT be punished for NOT being a procrastinator!"
"I went online and it said backordered with 2-3 weeks shipping, so I went in the store and they didn't have any! How dare they not cater to my every whim whenever I feel like it! They didn't treat me like this in Beverly Hills!"
"I won't get WP8 because it doesn't have the Bazoomba app! I have OCD, Tourettes and toenail fungi, and I can't have me a phone that doesn't do every single thing I think I might want but don't know it yet!"
"Can the phone give me bus directions in Mongolia where there is no cell signal, electricity or even buses? If it can't, then I won't buy it!"
"My iPhone would whistle at me when I picked it up. Can WP8 do that? No. Pass."
"When will Microsoft get their act together and create a phone that will take my temperature when I'm in the other room? If they can put a man on the moon and elect a black man for president . . . "
"I know 714 people posted tips on how to preserve battery life, and both Nokia and Microsoft published battery-saving advice, but why should I listen to all those smart people -- including the manufacturer of the phone and the creator of the operating system? I'm too busy complaining about my phone to read that stuff! I want everything on all the time, even when I'm sleeping. I have a life, you know!"
Backstory: I picked up a Lumia 920 on launch day and have trouble putting it down -- partially because it's a wonderful gadget, but mostly because its heft has given me some nice muscle tone while lugging it around. I've spent a lot of time in the forums, getting tips, neck cramps, reading wish lists, complaints and some great stories. But, after a while, it's the complaints that seem to always stick out. After a while, I started to notice a pattern . . .
"I want a smartphone that wipes my mouth and will allow me to change the color of individual tiles so I can make the screen a total headache. And make the alarm loud enough to kill horses two counties over. Jiminy Christmas, would that be so ******* difficult?"
"If this phone doesn't auto-sync by just looking at it and blinking twice, or if the battery doesn't last until I decide it should (February would be nice), then I'm going to take it back and Nokia/Microsoft/AT&T all suck because they don't know what they're doing. I know what I'm doing and they're not doing it right!"
"This WP8 has no apps! None! Zero! And the ones it does have are crap/don't work like iOS/Android/Blackberry/Symbian/Bada/Unix or are too expensive!"
"I had a Blasto 5000, and it worked perfectly, like a charm, all the time, and now I have this new phone with all the latest technology -- some of it, I don't even know what it is -- and the battery only lasts 22.4 hours! I'm going back to my 4 year old Blasto because I can't handle change and my prescription ran out!"
"Why can't I get it in Mauve? That's the color of the tiles I like, and I want my phone to match!"
"This has twice the storage, and is half the price of the iPhone, but it's going on sale for $50 and that hateful, awful AT&T won't give me a freakin' credit! I deserve that credit because I'm a loyal early adapter and I should NOT be punished for NOT being a procrastinator!"
"I went online and it said backordered with 2-3 weeks shipping, so I went in the store and they didn't have any! How dare they not cater to my every whim whenever I feel like it! They didn't treat me like this in Beverly Hills!"
"I won't get WP8 because it doesn't have the Bazoomba app! I have OCD, Tourettes and toenail fungi, and I can't have me a phone that doesn't do every single thing I think I might want but don't know it yet!"
"Can the phone give me bus directions in Mongolia where there is no cell signal, electricity or even buses? If it can't, then I won't buy it!"
"My iPhone would whistle at me when I picked it up. Can WP8 do that? No. Pass."
"When will Microsoft get their act together and create a phone that will take my temperature when I'm in the other room? If they can put a man on the moon and elect a black man for president . . . "
"I know 714 people posted tips on how to preserve battery life, and both Nokia and Microsoft published battery-saving advice, but why should I listen to all those smart people -- including the manufacturer of the phone and the creator of the operating system? I'm too busy complaining about my phone to read that stuff! I want everything on all the time, even when I'm sleeping. I have a life, you know!"
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