- 08-20-2012, 02:28 PM #1
Alright let me give some background first. Last year I wanted a WP 7.5 device so I got a Focus S for Christmas. I used my upgrade and my wife paid the $200 for the phone as a Christmas present to me. In March I damaged the Focus and used the upgrade from another line to replace it with a Lumia 900 that I paid for myself. Samsung repaired the Focus so now it sits in its box as a backup phone (both my son and wife have first generation WP phones).
So this weekend I’m reading about WP8 phones and features and my wife makes the comment “I know you’re not thinking about replacing your phone”. I told her I hadn’t given it much thought and asked her why she would say what she did. Her answer blew my mind.
She said that if I traded or sold my old phone to get a new one she would be hurt because my old phone was a present from her. She understood me having to get the Nokia because at the time I didn’t know that Samsung would fix it but she considered the Nokia my Christmas present also. I understand that selling a present from her is seen as insenitive but she didn't buy me the Lunia.
So this is for you married men out there and you female phone owners. Am I looking at this wrong? I mean I did buy my Lumia. To be honest I was thinking about waiting until late next year to get a WP8 phone so it’s really not much skin off my nose but I was wondering what you all thought about this....When you judge someone you tell more about yourself than the person you are judging.
- 08-20-2012, 02:36 PM #3
You can't be expected to keep it forever...while it is working. Granted, you don't have to sell it, it could become your backup. You could also ask for a new phone for Christmas, that way she gets you an updated gift.
Is this a new relationship?
- 08-20-2012, 03:25 PM #4
Hmm, typically, whatever I do is wrong. At least in her eyes :/ I can't see how she can expect you to keep the phone until the end of days. Maybe try to wok it so she buys you the new phone as a BDay or Christmas gift. That way the new gift trumps the old!
I guess I'm a little lucky, my wife is a bit of a techie. She wants bigger TVs, newer phones, etc... It's usually not hard for me to reason with her on upgrades to things, except that I wind up having to buy 2 of everything.
Sent from my Lumia 900 using Board Express
- 08-20-2012, 04:04 PM #6
All women think alike. I was given an iPhone 3GS as a gift when it launched for my birthday, and when I sold it over 2 years later, my wife told me she was hurt by that. My thinking was, it was my gift, I got a solid 2 years out of it using it every day, and when the time came it kept on giving by helping me buy a new phone.
She didn't see it that way. She was pissed at me for a while. She got over it though - they always do.
- 08-20-2012, 04:11 PM #7
"Honey, just having you in my life is gift enough. I do treasure the things you do for me and the gifts you have given me, and I wish I could keep this phone forever. We both know technology changes, too fast really, but if I trade this phone in for a new one, the new phone become my gift from you. This way, the gift you gave to me doesn't just end up unused, and in a drawer, when it becomes old. Even though technology becomes outdated, and trading up to a newer phone is exciting, each gift you give me is memorable."
The response you don’t want:
So, you like to trade up to newer models do you? Well, what about me? I am I just another “phone” to you? When do you consider me to be old and outdated? Well!!
- 08-23-2012, 08:45 AM #11
I would've asked her how long was she expecting your to keep the Focus S for. If she answered "2 years" then that would be reasonable but anything more wouldn't be.
Winning Guy might be on to something, btw. Also, like Mr. Burrrrns says, "no more phones as gifts."
08-31-2012, 11:04 AM #14
- 755 Posts
I was stuck in a similar predicament except mine went a better. My wife understands the value of devices like smartphones, computers, tablets, etc. She wasn't bummed when I sold the tablet she got me as a gift. She understands that this is something I do and that this is something people in general do this day in age with technology a) not living up to expectations and b) forever changing. So she was satisfied with being able to contribute to my happiness. Your wife needs to look at the gift not in it's solid for, but rather the feeling you get from the money she spent. The money she spent on your phone can then be passively transferred to another device this solidifying your happiness once again and she can take credit for it. That's the way my wife sees it...as long as I'm happy and she helped, then she is happy.
- 08-31-2012, 11:26 AM #16
This thread just made my day. Phones as gifts are a no-no. I buy all my phones, and will continue to even when I'm married. That way I can trade up whenever the heck I want! And she can't say squat (although that probably won't stop her trying, I got called a creep by this lass because I wanted an introduction the next time I went up to visit my friend in Newcastle)
- 09-03-2012, 06:20 PM #17
- 09-03-2012, 07:14 PM #18
I decided that I will "lose" my phone next spring. That should be the time that the bugs if any are worked out of WP8.
Also no more cell phones as gifts (but I am thinking about a WP8 tablet for a christmas gift....nawwwww maybe not)
...When you judge someone you tell more about yourself than the person you are judging.
09-03-2012, 09:15 PM #19
- 51 Posts
Dude I feel for you. My wife still has her iPod 1! ONE!! Because I bought it for her six years ago and had her name etched into the back of it.
Mind you that I got it when we were going out, and we've since been married, so her name has changed. Thus it is an OLD IPOD with her OLD NAME that she will never use again.
I keep asking if I can sell it to Gamestop and I just get stonewalled. :(
- 09-04-2012, 10:48 AM #20
- 09-04-2012, 11:13 AM #21
Its not about reason or logic now, but pure emotion...so you are sort of screwed.
What you could do, is drop ever so subtle hints ( like leaving web pages open on computers/tablets ) talking to her about the MS press conference, visiting stores when the new phone arrive. give her the video file from nokia's event
...and then maybe you could get a new Christmas gift....else get a new phone and have the old phone mounted in a clear box so that it shows her that the gift will never be forgotten.
09-05-2012, 01:14 PM #22
- 160 Posts
1) Sell the Lumia now while you can still get a bit for it. Use the Focus until you can get your new WP8 device. Relegate it back to backup status.
2) Sit down with your wife one evening after you've made dinner, done the dishes, and put the kids in bed while she takes a relaxing bubble bath. Explain to her that you really appreciate how she bought you the phone and it was a really awesome gift, one of the top two WP available at the time. Now, this is the tricky part. You know your wife better than us so you'll have to figure out exactly how to put it without hurting her feelings. Point out that it is currently sitting in the drawer as a backup for you, her, or the kids. Explain that while you certainly could sell the Lumia for money towards it, you feel that the Focus would be worth more since it is unused (I'm assuming Sammy just sent you a refurb one instead of actually fixing your old one and returning it). By selling the old one and using all of that money towards a new WP (since buying it outright is clearly too expensive), the love that the old one represents becomes a part of of the new one. It's like when a loved one dies and you donate their organs, a part of your loved one still lives on in the organ recipients. Whenever you use the new phone you will be reminded of her love for you because she made it possible. Also, since the Lumia is the better device, you want them to have the best one.
3) Forget about selling it. Buy your new Lumia 920 and give your Lumia and the Focus to your wife and kid. You get the new phone, wife and kid get new, upgraded phones, you didn't have to sell your wife's gift. Everyone's happy.
- 09-05-2012, 02:16 PM #23
Gentlemen thank you so much. You have given me both some insight and laughs.
I believe I have found my way out. This weekend she confessed that two weeks ago when on her last business trip she lost her Kindle. This is important because I gave it to her for Christmas. It’s funny how life can hand you opportunities. She was afraid that I would be upset because she had been so careless. I took her hand, looked right into her eyes and told her that I understood and we were going to replace it immediately. I also took the time to explain to her that electronic equipment wasn’t the same as jewelry or keepsakes because so many things could go wrong and that they weren’t meant to have a long life to begin with. I used my phone and her Kindle two examples of this. We ordered her a new Kindle and I told her that it didn’t matter that it wasn’t the one I gave her because the important thing was I wanted her to be happy. Knowing that she was happy with the device she was using was enough for me.
I am happy to report that I am now free to get whatever phone I want whenever I want it and if I want to sell the Focus I can (but I won’t, no need to push it). In the future I think I’ll just let her buy me ties or shirts for Christmas.
Thanks to all that offered advice, the brotherhood is alive and well.
Larry (not my real name) ;)...When you judge someone you tell more about yourself than the person you are judging.