Ben, could this all be related to ray tracing? If so, I can forgive this. On one hand, players who care about it (I know many don't, but many also do) demand ray tracing as if it's the most important thing in graphical appearance, so devs feel compelled to include it. On the other, only the RTX 4070+ cards are able to handle ray tracing, and even then barely with all the nVidia optimizations in full force. Further, except for a few games like Cyberpunk, it seems the devs are still struggling to learn how to handle ray tracing.
If you turn off ray tracing but keep on other enhancements, I bet that RTX 3060 will do OK for most modern games. And when they don't, it's because modern games are starting to be desigend with an assumption of including ray tracing.
We're in an odd spot in gaming graphics history. nVidia marketed ray tracing when they first announced the RTX 2000 series and convinced a lot of gamers it's needed (I agree that it's the most transformative effect in gaming graphics in over a decade), but it's so GPU intensive that only the very top cards from nVidia are really able to do it today (barely). There's also no real competition yet. Neither Arc nor Radeon cards can handle ray tracing in any serious way yet. Yeah, they can do a little bit, enough that if the games devs did a good job optimizing for them, it looks a little better than the baked in effects devs have used for years, but those cards are still so weak at it that it's a development challenge to get it to work. And that puts us right back to your point that games are not optimized -- because devs are still learning how to use ray tracing in its current watered-down form supported by most modern hardware.
When the graphics cards can do a fair volume of path tracing natively without a lot of developer gimmicks, we'll achieve a new glorious level in gaming visuals. At that point, it will actually be EASIER for devs to do good lighting and they won't have to spend time baking in effects, but I think we're still about 2-4 years from that. Basically, we need something a bit more powerful than RTX 4080/4090 to be mainstream and included in the consoles AND ALSO improved drivers and developer expertise in working with ray and path tracing. Right now, this is all too new to everyone and they're still fumbling their way through it.