Sooo.. I am still getting nothing but I was getting an "error" until last night with windows update and I didn't get any updates at all (not even the defender updates) since the 11th. I tried the media creation tool and the ISO but still just got "checking for updates" for 12+ hours each.
So I decided to enroll in the insider preview to try and get the build. So I enrolled in fast and restarted, updates started working again and I got my windows defender updated but no 10586. So I unenrolled but still on 10240.
I used the media creation tool downloaded this morning, and went through the whole update process, restarted computer, it did its thing... still on 10240... so I downloaded the ISO and ran the setup for that, checked for updates, installed, processed, etc... still on 10240..
All of these methods people are saying to "force" it don't seem to work for me... I'm not really sure why. I've been on win 10 since day 1 and I'm not set to "defer updates". my SP4 got it on day 1, but my desktop PC just refuses to get the update (or be given the update idk).
Update: Attempted _Emi_'s approach from above of "net stop wuauserv", delete the DataStore folder, "net start wuauserv" and check for updates again did not provide anything. System is "up to date".