UPDATE to my original post.
seems like the issue has disappeared. at least for now.
i plugged in to laptop this morning and i started to install drivers.
phone had popped up with the "nag" about using USB as data connection.
i have had it set that way since day one. and had the issue described in OP.
so... why today do i get the "nag"?
got home from work, and connected, and phone is seen by computer.
i'm not going to believe the issue has been solved until i see it connecting for two or three days.
i'm thinking that it may NOT be a bent USB pin on the phone as was suggested above.
either way, as i said, i;m not going to press my luck. it'll be a day by day thing.
just happy that it's working. at least for now.