In love

[ortizang]

I live with my wife and my three months kid, the thing is that I'm in love with a girl from university. She's like the perfect girl. Talking about my wife, she doesn't like to work and has no interest in studying. She's always been like that so I have always felt disappointed in her. I need someone who helps me and has plans for the future. What to do guys? I'm still with her because of my kid.

 

[gpobernardo]

My advise would be to uphold the vows you made with your wife. Most of the time, those disappointments arrive because your eyes are busy looking at someone else. There is no perfect girl - most probably just an illusion of what you think would be perfect but really isn't in the long run.

Stick with your wife, love her with all your heart and be a man in bringing your family together.

 

[jaimeastin]

My advise would be to uphold the vows you made with your wife. Most of the time, those disappointments arrive because your eyes are busy looking at someone else. There is no perfect girl - most probably just an illusion of what you think would be perfect but really isn't in the long run.

Stick with your wife, love her with all your heart and be a man in bringing your family together.

I agree...

You liked /loved her enough to overlook all that when you were making the love child...

I truly believe that if you stop focusing on what she is not and all, you can focus on being the best man to her... Loyalty is the most important thing. The in love feeling comes and goes... For everyone... You look at them and get disgusted... Then you look at them and say u cannot love anyone more...

Here is a question... What does she think of you?! She might be just as tired of you and has another on her mind. Ever though of that? The rejection? You all made a ban... Then got married... Or vice versa... Two big decisions you should have thought about more. The two biggest decisions that will change a persons life...

You have to got to be more rational and see that the institution of marriage and parenthood are so life altering and confusing. Such beauty can bloom from them if only the two people are careful and communicate.

You are the "man"... You need to seriously take responsibility for you, your wife, ans your child. Dude, pretty women are a dime a dozen... Women who look like that are good or better fits are just your mind... Put that same energy in looking at number two back in your wife may change your perception.

I turn 30 today... Have some super special women in my life... No kids... Man, to have a wife who is down would be the best... A child even better. I have been careful to make sure I select the right one... But more less I had not been ready to be that man that the marriage /family would need.

You need to communicate... Even what you told us on the boards. You need see how she feels... You both are probably struggling, hurt, questioning, etc. You all might need a councilor who is not anyone you know... Look up the 5 love languages.

You are the man..this will either bloom or fail based on your next actions... Dont be like the majority weak males out there... Be strong and communicate. She will respect that man. She will be down for you...

If you are unwilling to really do the right thing... Then it is best you communicate that so you can move on... She will need to find a really awesome man... Let that girl have you... I wonder what that special girl will think of you then... Who says you don't do the same to her... Why she want to deal with you and "baby momma" drama... Next you have child support? Are you going yo participate in this he life of you child?

Have you thought about that life you planted in your girl... You made her your wife and she had your child... Think about the.... Cause you are only thinking about you now... A lifetime time is a second to none or it can be so much more... You are setting a foundation.. What will this child say about you their his/family one day? Dont be fooled... A real father and mother are important...

You all need to communicate... How many times have I said that?! I have been through premarital counseling twice... Not married yet. Communicate the good, bad, and the ugly... But do it all in and with love. She will do the same... Understand the hurt ans frustrations in loves sake.

Never stay there for the child... Those are fools words... A fool. Not a good man doing the right thing... A fool. A selfish fool because the last person you are thinking of is the child. You are thinking of you and your reputation...

 

[Long Syntax]

I live with my wife and my three months kid, the thing is that I'm in love with a girl from university. She's like the perfect girl. Talking about my wife, she doesn't like to work and has no interest in studying. She's always been like that so I have always felt disappointed in her. I need someone who helps me and has plans for the future. What to do guys? I'm still with her because of my kid.

You may not accept it right now, but that 3 month old child is more important than you now. When you come to accept that, you'll know what to do -- hopefully that epiphany comes in time to do the right thing.

 

[rhapdog]

Love isn't an emotion. It's not a feeling. Feelings of attraction is just chemistry, and isn't love. You may be attracted to this girl at university, but attractions change.

You have made a commitment when you got married. Love is the action of not only honoring your commitments, but putting the other person ahead of your own needs. You need to love your wife, and treat her better than you would yourself.

Don't ever think about "what can my wife do for me to make me happy?" There is NOTHING your wife or ANYONE can ever do to make you happy. Happiness is a choice and a state of mind. You have to make up your mind to be happy, even in bad circumstances. You should instead question what you can do to make your wife happy. In carrying out actions that you believe will help in her happiness, she will most likely want to reciprocate and start making you happier.

A little something about having a 3 month old baby, as I've been there more than once. Your wife is EXHAUSTED and doesn't even feel like getting dressed in the morning. It's going to take a lot of help from you to handle the baby and a lot of love and encouragement/kind words from you to help her get back to where she needs to be. Make her feel special, and she'll start acting special.

The first 6 months of having a baby in your life are the hardest 6 months of your life for many, many people. Help, Love, Encourage, talk to her and listen to her. Show her you care, and you'll be surprised at what you can get out of it yourself.

 

[missylob]

As a wife that had her husband split on her & our daughter for younger, smarter, prettier etc girl, let me just say, there isn't anything this girl can do for you & she will never be able to love you enough to make the guilt & shame you end up having to live with worth it. Love isn't a feeling, its a choice. The feelings you say u have for this girl is same ones u had for ur wife at one time. If want the in love feeling all the time ur never gonna find the right girl cuz as a girl I can say, we are a stupid species sometimes & that love feeling just ain't gonna always be there & sure isn't what a marriage is. Divorce, especially an unwanted one causes a person to become damaged goods & causes wounds that cant be healed by time or any other means. No child, YOUR child, never should have to live with knowing their parent(s) chose their selfish wants & desires over the childs needs. No mom should have a court tell them that after loving this kid with her entire soul she now has to live without the kid half of the time. My daughter had a big part of her die when my husband left us, her scars are worse than any he coulda left on her physically. Your happiness comes after your wife's & your kid. If you want your wife to become a better woman, all you need to do is start acting like a better man. Life isn't about getting whatever we want & our own happiness, its about bettering others lives & making them happy, the only way you'll find happiness & peace is by putting others b4 yourself. I'm not judging you whatsoever, just speaking from the broken damaged place that having my husband leave me has forced me to live in.