Partner Problems

[Don Geronimo]

Perhaps I need a little kick in the head or a grounding in reality, but I need some relationship advice.

Background: For the longest time, I was working solely as an assistant manager for a fast food chain. I worked 50+ hours/week, not counting my commutes by bus/rail, because my past has been financially unfortunate. My boyfriend works what he calls a "normal" 9-5 and would always gripe that I don't spend enough quality time with him. That is true, I admitted to him, but also explained that that's an unfortunate part of that industry, and that I try to be there whenever I'm not working (and managing my other obligations: volunteer work, my 12-step group, church, etc.). It's always been a sore spot for him, but since I've been a person that tried to accommodate and tried to be there as much as possible, I always felt that, as I gave up more things and other friendships for him, that his griping never stopped, and what more could he want from me?

Now I'm working mostly days between two jobs (three including my freelance work) and I see him more often, but he still gripes about not enough quality time, even after I walked him through how much more time we had, and how many more things we are doing.

I understand that at its core this is some manifestation of him feeling like I don't care about him or the relationship, but I truly feel like what else could he want from me? I work two jobs plus a freelance gig to take care of my past mistakes, plan events for him, cook and clean, and all these other things for him and for others.

I don't really want to be resentful and act with love at all times, but I'm feeling stretched. I guess, ultimately, is it alright to feel like this, especially since the issue recurs even after I think things are rectified, and when I feel I already do so much?

 

[rhapdog]

Been there, done that, with my 1st wife. Even if you quit all your jobs and stayed with him, he would find something else to complain about.

You can't change someone. You have to find someone that is what you need and is supportive of you.

If he is always thinking about how you don't give HIM quality time, then he doesn't love you, and he isn't worth your time.

True love puts the other person ahead of themselves and is not self-centered. He should be doing what he can to make the most of the time he has with you, not expect you to do all the work. If he's not putting in the effort, he's not putting in the love. It takes both people putting the other person ahead of themselves for a relationship to work.

If you want further elaboration on this, I suggest you PM me. I'd be happy to help point you to some resources that would be helpful for you.

 

[Mr G Reaper]

I work very anti social hours and it has killed two relationships, both times it sucked but in the long run it let me know the lass at the time was not right for me, there are two things that can be done if your in a relationship with someone that works anti social hours, celebrate the time you get together or gripe about the time you dont. The latter is not really worth the time and stress.

just my two cents ofcourse either way good luck

 

[Don Geronimo]

Thanks so much for the words from experience. I'm going to do some more thinking and reading, and I'll try to get back to folks tomorrow.

 

[hotphil]

He's exhibiting controlling behaviour.

Which includes all sorts of other negatives under its umbrella.

Might be worth a chat with a professional?

 

[Mr G Reaper]

He's exhibiting controlling behaviour.

Which includes all sorts of other negatives under its umbrella.

Might be worth a chat with a professional?

i dont know, hiring a hitman seems harsh...
(sorry injecting humour) the chap is right, talking to a professional (or even a parent/grand parent) can help a lot